When I was a kid people would ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I used to reply, “I want to be a teacher. I want to teach English.” I’ve always loved everything about the subject of English: the grammar rules, the process of writing an essay, even the research that went into crafting a well written paper. I was a complete nerd about it. My goal was to get other people to love it and to possibly help those who didn’t quite get it. I wanted to teach others the importance of why everyone needs to have the ability to write effectively. I had such good intentions. Now that I’m an adult and I’ve seen how teachers in this country are getting the short end of the stick, (and how good intentions don’t pay the bills) I didn’t know what to do with myself. I literally felt lost, all my plans went right down the drain. As awful as it sounds I just didn’t see the point in going to college for 4-6 years just to make $35,000 a year, working in an environment that didn’t have enough supplies or resources to do my job effectively. (In case you’re wondering, I live in Oklahoma).
I went through an erratic phase of trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my life. There were times I wanted to give up on the whole college thing thinking ‘what’s the point?’ I thought I could be a cosmetologist, a legal secretary, a yoga instructor, a billing and coding specialist. The list goes on and on. While all of those jobs are all great ones they were never meant to be for me. I was trying to find the quickest way to just have a career and be done with it. I went from job to job (which is an unfortunate habit of mine, I get bored easily.) Nothing seemed worth doing. Then I had my kids and I felt like I HAD to find something quick. That lead to being constantly overwhelmed and disappointed in myself for not knowing sooner what to do with my life. I finally had to just sit down and really think about what would make me happy. I’ve never been the type of person to be content with just working and making lots of money regardless of what the job was, as long as I made enough money to sustain the lifestyle I wanted. I knew from a young age that I would never be rich, that I would have to work my whole life. When I think about all the years that I would spend working why wouldn’t I do something that made me feel like I was doing something worthwhile?
I finally decided that writing was the number one thing that made me happy. The creative process of telling a story, of giving people something to think about, to express myself in the best way possible, it sounded like heaven. I always felt like writing just came naturally to me and I don’t know why it took me so long to just do it. I got in my own head and told myself it was impossible. That no one would care or think it was any good but then I realized I wasn’t even giving them a chance. So I got tired of dismissing myself and my work and just said, well you know.
I’m excited to say that my imagination took off from there and I have so many ideas for novels and short stories that are currently in the works. I hope to post some on this blog very soon for all of you to read and critique.
As for the future I do plan on getting back into college to study English and improve my skills and knowledge. I’m excited to expand my horizons and just keep getting better. My goal is to one day become a bestselling author and to maybe even teach others how to write. The thing about life is you have to be ready for anything. You can’t always control the way things are going to work out but sometimes that could be for your benefit. Sometimes things don’t work out because the Universe has something better planned for you and you just have to go where it leads you. I hope you all have a great day!
Starting this blog is definitely one of the hardest things I have ever done. First off, it’s hard for me to start any kind of writing. I always get excited to start a new writing project, I’d have all these ideas and outlines, but I would sit down to write and then my brain would go foggy. My self doubt always got in the way. There is a line in a song by The Avett Brothers that says, “Kill the doubt that strangles my self worth.” I really need to get that tattooed on my arm or something. Anyway, that phrase really resonates with me because I have known for many years how it feels to have all these dreams and ideas but never have the courage to overcome the self doubt. Well that ends today. With this blog.
For as long as I can remember I have wanted to write. It’s just something I have always taken pride in, but writing is a very vulnerable process. There are so many people in the world who love to judge and comment, but what I have learned from this is that those people are more than enough of a challenge to meet. Why should I get in my own way when I know that I am not a bad writer? It’s me against the world, so why add my own doubts to the fire? Another thing I have learned from others’ contrasting opinions is that without them I can’t push myself to prove them wrong. Their judgement will only make me work harder to become better, and that’s the purpose of this blog. It is my first real step to putting my work out there for people to read. This is for me to have an open communication with my potential readers. I will share some of my own stories that I have written myself, some personal experiences, stories from those who have given their permission for me to share and whatever else comes to mind. I am an aspiring author and this blog is the start of my journey. I hope you’ll join me.