Dream Series #14

I dreamt that I was being tortured. I was kidnapped, strapped to a bed and was cut in certain places and left to bleed out. I actually felt the pain in my dream. Which is unusual. It was probably just the memory of being cut that made me remember the pain. I bled a lot. I read that if you dream of being tortured, someone in your life is making you feel victimized or it’s the strain of keeping a secret over a long period of time. Hmmm…sounds about right.

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I dreamt that Felix had been split into three different people. They were all over the place and I couldn’t keep up with them. I think this is a perfect interpretation of Felix. He is definitely wilder than Cillian was and I think he has just been stressing me out a little bit lately with all his climbing and running and grabbing. He’s still precious though.

Last night I dreamt that I had a tickle fight with my sister in law. I think it’s because we recently had a fight and I think this dream was my way of saying I just want us to go back to normal. That doesn’t mean we have tickle fights, I just want to go back to having fun and enjoying being around each other again.

I may have talked about this before but I think dreams have really big meaning. I think it’s our brains way of dealing with things that we can’t really face in our waking hours. I think when we’re stressed about something our dreams have a way for our brains to decode what’s stressing us out. I don’t necessarily believe that our dreams have supernatural qualities, I’m not saying it isn’t possible either, but I do feel like our brains are pretty complex and we dream for a reason. I don’t think people should just shrug off a dream. I mean it may not be a big deal but it help you understand yourself a little more. I encourage you all to start keeping a dream diary and see if you notice any patterns or recurring themes to your dreams. You might be surprised with what you find.

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Dream Series #12

Last night I dreamt that Cillian had made little dots on the carpet with a permanent marker. I took some bleach and a rag and tried to get the spots out but every time I cleaned a spot there would be little blue action figure legs sticking out. I would pull them out of the carpet. One particular spot had several action figures in it. I think this is just a dream you have when you have boy children.

I also dreamt that I had to help a friend perform a tooth extraction on an elderly man’s mouth. It was weird though. Me and like five other people had to make a star shape while holding string in our mouths to balance out the string she was using to pull out the patient’s tooth. I can’t explain it properly but all the strings in our mouths were all connected up above the patient. The strings were all tied around his tooth and my friend, who I really didn’t know in real life she was just a dream person, had the strings in her hands and would do the pulling. It was weird. There was also a ceremony and a Harry Potter play afterwards that turned into chaos and everyone in the audience was running while flashes of light and explosions were happening. I don’t know, man.

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Source: www.gratisography.com

This dream really bothered me. I dreamt that I had reunited with an old friend, one that ended on bad terms. We started hanging out again after a tearful reconciliation. We went to a festival in a park. It was a whole weekend thing. My parents were there to, they were together. My parents have been divorced since 2009 but every time I dream about them, with the exception of one time, they are still together. I think the reason I dreamt about the old friend is because her birthday is coming up and it’s the anniversary of our break up. I’m not going to get into why we aren’t friends anymore, that’s another post for another time, but I still think about it a lot. I’m not sure why because I don’t feel like I was in the wrong. Maybe I was, but I don’t think so. I’ll let you guys be the judge when I post about it.

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Photo by Wendy Wei from Pexels 

I dreamed that I came upon two dressers full of stuff, my stuff. They were in a parking lot and I had two shopping carts. I had to get all my stuff. I was picking through it all and deciding to leave some stuff. I finished with the first cart then started on the second one. I took a small break and when I came back all my stuff was being thrown into a garbage truck. I had to stop them and they told me I had to dig in the truck to get all my stuff back. I had worked so hard to pick all the stuff out the first time, only to have it all thrown away and I had to do it all over again.

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Photo by Scott Webb from Pexels

The Days of My Life: Episode 2

January 16, 2019

Will the congestion never end?! I am so ready to be able to breathe out of my nose again.

Now that that is out of the way, how are you?

I’m sitting here while my three year old watches Coraline. My littlest has been napping for the past 3 hours, which is crazy. My husband just got home from work. I need to start heating up dinner. It’s not too exciting around here these days. I took the boys to the library this morning for Story Time. The local library does a community story time for babies and preschool aged kids to boost early literacy skills and the kids get to interact and do crafts so it’s fun to do. Cillian absolutely loves it. He is such a social butterfly. He’s a miniature version of me. At least in personality. He looks just like his father.

January 18, 2019

I saw something today that made me angry. It’s 45 degrees here and the wind is chilly and the sun is covered by clouds. It is not the kind of day that would be good for little children to play outside. Especially when they are alone. I saw in a neighbor’s yard two very small children, they looked be two or three years old and they were not adequately covered up and they were playing outside without an adult in sight. I just don’t understand people. I mean it’s common sense to keep your babies in out of the cold. I try not to judge other parents because every one raises their children differently and I don’t know what their lives are like and I don’t know what challenges they face but sometimes I can’t help myself from getting angry when I see something like this. Children are so helpless and they need us to be kind and loving to them. I finally saw someone open the door and the children went inside but I sat there in my car for a few minutes debating with myself if I should go say something to them.

January 22, 2019

I’ve been feeling a little overwhelmed lately. I have a few projects going, one you guys will know about in the next couple of months but the other is going to be a while. These things are all good things but I started to realize how much these things are going to change my life and how hard I’m going to have to work to keep them going and it’s just so scary. I’m excited but I’m scared. I’m scared because I don’t want them to fail. I’m also just realizing how much I have to do to make sure they don’t fail. I’m up for the challenge, I’m just going in blind. I don’t know what I’m doing but I’m learning as I go. I know in the long run I’m going to be really happy that I did these things, I’m just trying to get used to it all. It’s still killing my creativity, though. I can’t get the motivation to write when I feel this way.

I’m kicking myself this morning because I started writing a new short story yesterday but I got distracted by my kids and husband. Such is life. I could have continued writing after the boys went to bed last night but I was being lazy and just wanted to read. I should have been writing because now my brain is not wanting to cooperate this morning and all the steam I had yesterday is gone now. Next time I’m just going to get up and leave the room when they start distracting me. Hubby’s just going to have to deal with the kids.

January 29, 2019

You know when you bite your cheek while eating and you and already bitten it a few days ago so it’s still sore so it hurts even worse? I had that today, it put me in a really foul mood. I think mouth pain is the worst pain. I would honestly have labor pains again before ever having mouth pain. I don’t see how people get their tongues pierced, it hurts me just thinking about it. I had braces twice when I was a kid and it was the worst freaking thing ever. I hated every second of it. There was one time, when I was getting my braces tightened, a dental assistant or whatever they’re called pulled my lip back so far and so hard that it split my lip in three places and the cuts developed into sores. I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t smile because those sores would rub up against the metal of my braces. My dad finally felt bad for me and gave me some money to buy numbing ointment and special medicated mouth wash to get rid of them quicker. I also got wax to cover my braces and make them smoother so they weren’t scraping my lips. It was a rough time for me. I even lost weight because my mouth hurt so much all the time and I couldn’t eat. I wish I would have taken more pictures back then when I had them so I can look back and see how far my smile has come. I am so thankful that my parents did that for me though because my teeth were horrendous. I guess in the end it was worth it. Thanks mom and dad.

January 31, 2019

The hardest time for me during the day is the morning time. My kids are the most demanding in the morning. They have a dirty diaper, they’re hungry, they’re thirsty and they want all of this fixed RIGHT THIS SECOND and all at once. They whine and scream and repeat themselves over and over. “I’m hungry” “Let’s watch TV!” “I need cereal.” All these things while the baby is screaming and throwing his cup at me. I haven’t even had time to pee. And my stomach is nagging me too and I’m cranky from being woken up by screaming toddlers. Morning time is not my favorite but I know it won’t always be like this so I’m taking it in stride.

February 2, 2019

I always second guess myself when I spell out the word February. It’s such a weird word. Anyway, we did our taxes last night and it is all well and good. Another year of being an upstanding citizen. We look forward to doing our taxes every year because we usually get something back. It’s like a bonus for being broke the rest of the year. We’re going to be smart with it this year though. We’re tired of living paycheck to paycheck. It will get better one day, I know it will. I can already see the light at the end of the tunnel. It has just taken us a long time to get there. We still have a ways to go but at least it doesn’t feel hopeless anymore. 

I can’t wait to start school again this fall. Now that we’ve done our taxes I can finally fill out my FAFSA and get the process started. I still have a couple months before fall enrollment opens up but that’s okay. I’m just glad that it’s all starting again. It’s going to take me just as long to finish school as it would if I were starting at the very beginning again but oh well. That’s what I get for taking a four year break. 

February 4, 2019

One of the worst stages of toddlerhood is the sleep regression stage, particularly the 18 month one. Felix is refusing his naps so it’s either I get nothing done all day or he spends an hour or two in his crib yelling to be let out. At his age it’s not wise to start eliminating daytime naps yet. Even if he doesn’t want to nap experts say it’s still good for them to have some quiet time so that’s what he does when he doesn’t nap. Except he also refuses for it to be quiet. I also need him to take his breaks to so I can get some stuff done around here. He is by far way more curious and dare devilish than my oldest ever thought about being. It’s exhausting yet humbling. He’s also technically in his terrible two’s right now since he’s in his second year of life. He’s not an easy kid so I dread the horrible threes because three is the worst year. Cillian is almost four and he has become increasingly easier to take care of. He’s almost mastered potty training, we’re so close. I’m thinking I could start potty training Felix since he’s old enough to start now and see if they help each other out and get trained at the same time so I can finally say goodbye to diapers forever!

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The Days of My Life

January 1, 2019

So I’m a stay at home mom now. It happened unexpectedly. I was let go at my job, it was a seasonal position that I wasn’t expecting to lose until at least June so this was a shock to me. After doing the numbers and seeing what was left over after all the bills were paid we can make it on just my husbands salary but it will be super tight for a while. We will have a very strict budget at least for the next six months so hopefully I don’t go crazy from boredom. I know that if I can just keep my sights set on the big picture and just be patient we will make it. I just have to take it one day at a time. Don’t be surprised to see some stay at home mom posts or how to live with a tight budget posts on my blog. *wink wink*

In other news, it’s a new year so that’s exciting. I feel a lot lighter now that 2018 has ended. It wasn’t a terrible year, definitely better than others, but it’s nice that it’s over and I think for the first time in my adult life I don’t dread the year ahead of me. We got rid of a lot of our debt last year and I’m not pregnant, so that’s a plus. I have a lot planned this year so hopefully I can still make those things happen now that I don’t have a job. It’s weird to admit that, that I don’t have a job. I’ve always had a job, since I was sixteen. I feel a bit guilty not contributing financially to my household. I know I can be helpful in other ways, like maintaining the house and taking care of the kids and running all the errands but I still feel a nagging feeling of not working. Maybe it will go away over time. I will be back in school this fall so I’ll feel more like I’m contributing because I’ll be working towards a better future for us.

I’ve always thought of myself as a career woman though. I guess I just accepted a long time ago that I will never be rich and just get to lay around all day doing nothing. I’ve always known I have to work for a living so it doesn’t bother me to work. I actually do like to work so long as the work is worthwhile. If it’s thankless and menial then of course I don’t want to do it, who does? It is nice though to have more time for my writing, reading and crafts. I need to make a scrapbook of my kids to, maybe learn some new recipes. I just have to find free or cheap ways to entertain myself, to distract me from the fact that we are super broke and can’t do a whole lot right now.

My allergies are also bothering me, which to be honest has made my mood worse. I hate coughing, sneezing and not being able to breathe out of my nose. Ya know, like everyone else in the world. It usually lasts about a week so I still have a few days of this wretchedness. My youngest is suffering to, the poor kid is too young to take any medicine so he has to suffer. All I can do for him is put chest rub on him at night and suction his nose during the day. He’ll get through it though.

January 3, 2019

So a little bit about my daily routine:

Usually my kids wake me up about 7:30 every morning. I get them up and changed, I feed and water them and put on some cartoons. I get myself dressed and sometimes I get to eat breakfast. On post days I get on my computer and make sure that my scheduled posts have indeed posted and then I share it on my socials. I check the WordPress reader for fellow blogger posts, I read, like and comment. I try to do all of this in a timely manner but I am always interrupted by my kids several times before I can get a full post read.

I put the youngest down for a nap around 10 and then I can get some writing done. I like to write posts a few weeks in advance and schedule them, it’s just easier for me. I check my emails and I also figure out all the things I need to do for the day. I have a list of blog posts for the month so I have to look them over and see what I need to work on next. I also try to get some reading in while the tinier human snoozes. My life is pretty slowed down now and we don’t get out much unless we have an appointment or we go to the library. In a way I think that’s good because I’m always focusing on the next thing and looking to the future. Maybe now I can focus more on the present and just chill out.

January 10, 2019

Well the allergies are gone but the littlest has a fever now. The cold months are the worst for sickness. He’s being super clingy but I honestly don’t mind it. It’s nice to hold my baby close and comfort him because I know it won’t be like this forever. My oldest is not happy about little brother getting all the attention though, so that’s fun. (not) Having two small kids is a challenge. I wish I would have waited until my oldest had been a little older when I had my second, like closer to four and potty trained. Oh well, you live and you learn, except I’m not having anymore kids. Sometimes I do wish I could have one more. It’s not really an option for us to have another since kids are expensive and my uterus is a shredded mess from two c-sections. It would actually be really dangerous for me and a baby if I were to get pregnant again. It would have been nice to have a girl though. The old wives tales say that if your baby’s first word is daddy then you will have a boy next. If their first word is mama then you’ll have a girl next. Cillian’s first word was ‘dada’, hence Felix. Felix’s first word was ‘mama’ so according to the old wives I would have a girl next. Unfortunately she will never come to pass.

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