There have been many times that I’ve said things that have hurt people. Most of those times I had no idea that what I said was hurtful.
In my early twenties I was pretty arrogant. I would literally say whatever was in my head and not even think about how it would make other people feel. I thought I knew it all. I thought I had better ideas or goals than everyone else. I had super high standards for myself and everyone else in my life. I would have an opinion on everything and anything, especially when it wasn’t asked for.
I don’t think I’m alone in this. I feel like a lot of people in their late teens, early twenties, were self entitled jerks. We all go through a phase where we have self importance and then the world knocks us on our ass and tells us what’s really going on. The reality is we don’t know jack shit.
Your twenties is a time of learning. You will fall on your face, eat your words, and very often put your foot in your mouth. It’s inevitable and necessary. As you grow you learn to see things through other people’s eyes. You start to see how much weight your words and opinions can have when it comes to other people. You learn that a lot of times there are things you just need to keep to yourself no matter how much you want to say it.
I have certainly been in that situation many times. I am a pretty vocal person and I see a lot. I notice things and hear things that I think a lot of people don’t realize I know. I can keep a secret like no other. I don’t ever hold the things I hear over someone’s head, mostly because I wouldn’t want someone to do that to me. I simply just store it away and keep that little nugget of information and remember it when someone isn’t being very genuine. I keep these things so that I can keep a clear picture of what might really be going on. There are a lot people I don’t trust but they wouldn’t know it.
Speaking of me being vocal, I will say it has gotten me in trouble. I have voiced things that I should have kept to myself and it did not go over well, no matter how true it was. I also have a tendency to say things kind of bluntly and without softening it. I just say it like it is and even though I don’t mean to come off snarky or callous, it comes out that way and has hurt people’s feelings.
Some of those people, unfortunately, have hung on to that impression of me and think that anything I say that sounds remotely judgmental or blunt has an ulterior motive behind it. There are some people who take things I say personally but never take the time to really ask me what I meant. Which leads me to the title of this rant.
I have had many feuds with certain people that could have been avoided if they had just brought attention to how the things I said made them feel. I’m not saying that I’m innocent in this scenario, I’m just simply stating that it was never brought to my attention. I am not a malicious person. I do not say things to be hateful, unless you deserve it. In those instances you don’t have to wonder if I meant to be rude or not, you will know it. I do not notice when I’m being too blunt. I know that may sound ridiculous, how can I not realize what I’m saying? I’m a very outspoken person and I know what my thoughts are and what my opinions are. Some people think I am too honest and some people just don’t want to hear the truth. I get it, the truth can be hard sometimes.
My parents are the reason why I’m so honest. My dad would always admit when he was wrong and I always admired him for that. He always showed me that it’s okay to be wrong. My mom was the opposite though, she denies everything that she’s done wrong and that always rubbed me the wrong way. I can’t stand when people live in denial and tell themselves they’ve done nothing wrong. I can’t live in denial and I have the strongest urge to point it out to people when I see them doing it. I have gotten a lot better about that, mostly because people really hate it when you make them face things they’re not ready to face.
With all that being said I know I say a lot. I know I’m vocal, outspoken and blunt. I also know that I have come a long way from who I was in my early twenties. I have learned to keep my mouth shut, I have learned my opinion really doesn’t matter, and I’ve learned that not everything that is true is always helpful. I will not stay silent though if I feel like something needs to be fixed. If something is bothering me I will say something. If I feel like someone is avoiding me or angry with me I will confront them. I don’t like confrontation but I hate silence even more and if it can be worked out with words it should. I cannot fix something if I don’t know it’s wrong. If I don’t know I hurt you I can’t make it better. It may be harsh to say but if you are angry at someone and you refuse to let them know then it no longer is their fault, it has become yours. You are now taking responsibility for the resentment that will grow between you. If you don’t give the person who wronged you the opportunity to make it right then you are just as at fault. You don’t have to forgive them but if you want some closure you have to give them the chance to see what they did wrong. And that’s my outspoken opinion for today.