There’s a funny side to parenting and it usually has to do with learning things the hard way. Here are a few times my sons taught me that even though they do something crazy, it’s usually my own fault.
- The diaper fiasco: When Cillian was about ten months old he woke me up with a stinky surprise. At the time he slept in our bed with us and he had fallen asleep in just a diaper. On this particular morning he had woken up before me and proceeded to take his diaper off. I’m not sure if he had already pooped or if he had pooped after taking his diaper off, either way he woke me up by slapping me with a poop covered hand. It was everywhere. All over him, all over the sheets, my pillow and my face. I got him up and bathed him and washed my own face. I washed the sheets and blankets twice because the first time didn’t get it all. It was so gross. From then on he always had clothes on when he went to bed.
- The diaper fiasco part 2: You would think after that we would have been wiser. Well here comes Felix. This time it was a dad fail. My husband had put Felix in his crib in just a diaper and a t-shirt. The next morning I go to get him and he’s covered in his own poop. It was all over his mouth so you know he ate some. It was all over his crib. Again, I had to wash the sheets and blankets twice. Poop doesn’t like to come out easily.
- Cillian’s first nose bleed: I put Cillian down for a nap one day and I was in the kitchen when I heard him making noises. He wasn’t crying but he was awake so I went to check on him. I open his bedroom door and I see him covered in blood. There was a lot. I freaked out. He wasn’t crying but he gave me a look like, “What?!” I noticed it was mostly on his face so I thought maybe he hit his face on his crib but that would have made him cry so that couldn’t have been it. Then I remembered that he had just recently started picking his nose. He had scared me to death.
- Cillian’s first swear word: One day a friend of mine came to the house to give me some beads that she had in storage. She brought her neighbor with her to help her get all the boxes into the house and we had never met this man before. While we were talking Cillian dropped one of his toys and yelled, “Goddammit!” It was quite embarrassing and he had definitely learned it from me. I didn’t have anyone to blame but myself for that one.
- The smelly truth: One day while shopping for beads I had the boys in a shopping cart and I was searching. There was a woman and her two children in the aisle with us. They did look a bit rough but I didn’t pay any attention to them, I was busy. Cillian then says, “Mama, I smell something. I smell something stinky.” I asked him, “You smell something stinky?” He points and replies, “Yeah. I think those people-” I quickly push him to the other end of the aisle hoping that they hadn’t heard what he said. I shushed him but I also laughed to myself because I had not expected him to say that. Children are very honest.
Now some funny/cute things Cillian has said:
Me: “If you eat your broccoli it’ll make your muscles bigger.” Cillian: “Bigger?!” Takes a bite of broccoli. “My muscles hurt.”
Cillian: “You and me are hot and Beezy is stinky.” (Beezy is Felix’s nickname.)
Cillian pretending to read a Pizza Hut receipt: “Dear pizza pizza, I want to eat you.”
We’re waiting at the doctor’s office. Cillian: “I’m boring.” I told him he’s bored, not boring. He’s definitely not boring.
Instead of bicycle he say byclecike.
Cillian: “I’m sick.” Me: “Your not sick.” Cillian: “My *hiccup* mouth is sick.” Me: “You have the hiccups.” Cillian: “Yeah.”