We live in a world where half of marriages don’t make it. That’s a lot of marriages. So many in fact a lot of people just choose to not be married. There are some people who shouldn’t get married, it isn’t for everyone. I, of course, do believe that marriage can be easier than a lot of people believe.
I’ve been married for 5 years, while that doesn’t seem like a long time I think it’s a good amount of time to know how to make it work. Whenever my unmarried friends ask me how my husband and I have a successful marriage I tell them one thing: if it’s not easy don’t do it.
Let me explain: My husband and I have been together for almost seven years total. From the beginning we have been very honest with each other. I have always felt that it’s easy to be honest with him. Its easy to be myself with him. It’s easy to spend time with him. What I’m getting at is never at any time in our relationship has it been hard. Sure life sucks sometimes and there are outside forces that have gotten us down but we have never put that on each other. We have always just looked to each other to feel better. There are relationships that you can get into where you fight all the time or you don’t want to be around each other or you don’t feel like you can be yourself. Those kind of relationships are not the right kind. We have never experienced these things in our marriage. I know it sounds crazy but we don’t fight. We want to be around each other all the time. We love the differences we have. We have respect for one another. We make it easy for each other. We want to be together.
You also have to like each other. Now that may sound strange but it’s important. You have to go beyond the physical attraction and sex to get to their personality and qualities. You have to like them for the person they are. You have to enjoy being in their presence. My husband and I have a lot of differences but we do have a similar sense of humor. I think that goes a long way. We joke about things with each other because we both laugh at the same things. (Mostly our children but toddlers are funny.) He is my best friend.
You also can’t tell everyone everything about your relationship. Your marriage is between you and your spouse, no one else. The things you talk about, the things you do are between the two of you. If you keep it private you will build trust. Also, if they do irritate you, make you mad or you do fight about something don’t tell a bunch of people about it. People are only going to remember the bad things you say and they’ll question why you’re with someone who makes you angry all the time. Just because you have one or two unpleasant times with your spouse it doesn’t mean that you have a bad marriage or spouse but other people won’t know that. It’s okay to tell a friend that you trust but other than that keep it to yourself.
You also have to remember that your spouse is human and will make mistakes or do something irritating without realizing it. You just need to let them know, in a nice way, and forgive them for being human. You can’t expect them to read your mind.
A lot of these may seem like common sense but I know a lot of people who need to hear these things. I know this post is a little all over the place but I hope these things give you a sense of what it takes to be in a long term commitment with another person. It is possible to have a long and happy marriage, just remember that you love each other and put each other first always.
Pictures from our wedding day.