When I became a mom I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. I couldn’t make any kind of decision on what my life’s work would be. I got married and we both had jobs and we did stuff on the weekend but I felt like something was missing. I had this feeling of ‘what’s the point?’ We got into a routine and nothing exciting was going on. We had always planned to have kids but we didn’t quite know when that would be.
We had our first son right before our second anniversary. He was perfect and we couldn’t have been happier. He gave our life meaning. Suddenly I understood what I was meant to do. As crazy as it sounds, my life would literally be nothing without my boys. I can’t even remember what my life was like before they came along. Watching them grow and learn new things is the best feeling in the world. Yes they drive me crazy sometimes but those times don’t stick in your head. The only things that stay are the times they first learn how to dance or learn the words to a song and sing it really loud while you’re walking around Target. I could go on and on about how wonderful my two boys are but I’ll get to my point.
- Having my sons is what gave me the drive to find what it is I want to do with my life.
When you have kids you start to realize how expensive everything is and what it takes to comfortably take care of them and raise them. That means you have to have a well-paying, steady job. This is common knowledge, but as I have said before, I was never content with just working to make a paycheck. It is important to teach your kids that sometimes you have to do what you need to do because people are depending on you, but I believe it’s just as important to teach them to do what they are feeling compelled to do. Yes I have a job and yes I write on the side while maintaining a household and raising children. My children are the ones who inspired me to not give up on what I really want to do. Without them I wouldn’t even have the drive to make my life any better. My hope is that I in return inspire them to pursue their own dreams and to not let life dictate what they think they have to do. I work harder than I ever have in my life to make things a reality for not just me, but for my sons as well.
2. Knowing my limits.
Yes it can be overwhelming sometimes. I suffer pretty badly from anxiety and one of the things that is a huge trigger for me is not being able to achieve all the goals I have. I get an idea in my head and the second it doesn’t go as planned I give up. There are good days where I get all the laundry done, the dishes done, take the kids to the park, write a blog post and have dinner on the table right before I go to my job for the evening. Then there are bad days, when both boys are being needy and I can’t get either of them to calm down and I have appointments to make or play dates to attend and I don’t write a single thing. With the help of some good old fashioned therapy I have been able to stop getting mad at myself. I don’t beat myself up on those days because I know that if I try to do everything at once I’m just going to stress myself out. I write when I can and I take care of my boys first. At the end of the day they are only little for so long and one day they will be so self sufficient it will sadden me to realize they’ll never be babies again. While I am in a sort of limbo with two little people who rely on me for everything, I know that it won’t be like this forever and I need to appreciate the time I have with them now. I take the weekends off as well so that I have time to spend with my husband and kids together. While I have the need to write every day I make myself take breaks and it’s really nice.
3. I feel more in control of my life.
This is a big one. I have never felt in control of my life, hence the anxiety. Now that I have proven to myself that I can handle being a parent, I can handle anything. My boys have given me a confidence I didn’t know I had. My decision making skills have soared, and I found out I work great under pressure. Having kids can really put things into perspective and your brain just gets to a point where it can more easily process what’s most important over what doesn’t even matter anymore. I learned that being scared to do something, like put my work on the internet, isn’t even something to worry about. People are going to take the way they’re going to take it. I have more important things to worry about. I have a clearer idea of what makes me happy and what I don’t care about anymore.
As I sit here typing all this up my oldest is watching a movie and my youngest is rolling around in his walker babbling as loud as he possibly can. It can get pretty chaotic around her but it’s a chaos I can handle. Even if I have to stop typing a thousand times to tend to one or the other I will get this done. Where do you think my boys get their persistence from?